He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
farters have to be the big spoon...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
