I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
