That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
