I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
