I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
