I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
