Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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