just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
