oh god the rape fog is back!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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