I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
