When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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