My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
