my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
then he tried to convert me to islam
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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