I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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