I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
