We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
love makes seman taste better
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
