P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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