accomplished twins. life is a go
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
a search helicopter?!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
