I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
