I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
