i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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