my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
