yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
