So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
