I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
