wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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