it hurts more in the daytime
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
