Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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