I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
