Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
