'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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