...so i touched it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
