if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
