I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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