your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
