By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We left an ass print on the piano.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
