I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
