wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
