Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
