wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
