At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
