Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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