just come out here and I will go home with you...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
