3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
