Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
