With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
