I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm at about main and main street
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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