You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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