she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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