happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
