The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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