woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
