So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
