Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
