whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
