I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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