Rock
Scissors
Fuck
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
