The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
